well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Small penises have feelings too.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
