Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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