the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize