In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i think i just lost a toe
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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