Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize