This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
