he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
