Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize