He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize