My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
