I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
