i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
