how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
