I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
