I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What a dumb baby whore.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
