I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
