he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
