i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I wear drunk well.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
