OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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