If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
