Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize