Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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