you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
