My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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