just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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