I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
