The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
