that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize