had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
