I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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