All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
