Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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