never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You need a sexual gate keeper
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
