I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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