Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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