it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
