Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
