So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize