Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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