My first STD was from a foam party
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
