did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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