Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
