I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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