Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
