her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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