We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
