They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i want to swaddle you in tequila
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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