No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
