Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
