You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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