Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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