i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
