Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
