Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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