His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
