Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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