My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
