wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
