I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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