I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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