1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I AM VODKA MAN
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
