he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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