i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize