I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize