What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
