I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
