her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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