No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
