i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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