i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
