I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was like eating out sand paper
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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