i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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