And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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