I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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