Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
