No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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